I’m working towards something I’ve wanted to for a while, and doing it online has allowed me to fit it in around existing commitments. I don’t think that there is any other way that would have been better for me than doing an online degree.
I cannot say I have enjoyed it, although when I look back, I know I will be proud and I have learned a great deal and my confidence has grown. There have been moments where I’ve felt very stressed and overwhelmed. The main thing is that it is VERY hard to juggle doctoral research with all the other aspects of my life, including family commitments and my very full-time day job. At times it felt like the plates I’m spinning have been about to fall. There is no time to cook properly or exercise and little time to myself to take breaks and I feel guilty doing anything else. Finding the money to pay my own fees has been an added stress.
Being in front of a screen too much can generally have a negative effect. I get headaches reading and using the computer. The virtual learning environment adds stress as it’s complex and difficult to navigate, even after many years!
I’ve often questioned my ability to complete the degree, and this has had an impact on my self-esteem. Regular meetings with a kind, compassionate and encouraging supervisor have been really important. My supervisor has provided helpful suggestions for accessing university support services, which I was not aware of.
Receiving feedback is not easy. Whilst in hindsight the feedback has helped me grow and develop, it is still an emotional roller coaster to receive comments to amend things that you have worked so hard on and in a sense, have become emotionally attached to.
I have a few work colleagues who are undertaking part time studies who understand the impact on wellbeing. I do not have my employer’s support or understanding. Being classified as an “online student” comes with the image that it is an “easy path”, which is not.
My partner is my greatest supporter. My parents, on the other hand, don’t understand what I’m doing and why. They can’t relate to my stress when I’m working on assignments. It’s placed a significant strain on my personal relationships.
We have a WhatsApp group where people ask for advice and share information. The group is made up of lovely people who genuinely support each other. Reading about others’ progress sometimes makes me feel worse. I guess this is what they call impostor syndrome.
There are academic events run by our department, but I am short of time to attend – I couldn’t get the time off work. I’m often overwhelmed by all the emails from university. I don’t want to hear about things that are only relevant to on-campus students. This wastes my time and also makes me feel like I am missing out!!!
When you face problems, you can’t just pop to that department and speak to someone. You have to send them a message online or send it to an anonymous mailbox. When those people are contacted, they are generally very helpful but there’s a disconnect between how you access them compared to if you were on campus. I think the main thing would be being seen – my supervisor sees me, but the rest of the department doesn’t and the systems don’t.
I think there is more I could do to support myself, especially around time management and exercise. But there is also something about lowering my own expectations of myself. Anything my university could do to ‘give permission’ for this would help me, I think.