I had a serious mental breakdown earlier this year. I feel the department did not appropriately support me. They did ‘tick the boxes’ the university require of them so they can feel as if they have ‘done everything they can.’ No one even has an inkling on the trauma I have gone through, and what continues to hound me now. It is never ending. 

There was a lack of information pre-enrolment about the time commitment required for part time doctoral study, including its incompatibility with full time workload. This has adversely impacted on my wellbeing, with a constant feeling of underlying stress and anxiety about a lack of time. 

I do not have much support from friends and family – something that upsets me quite a lot. In fact, my family are slightly snarky, as going to uni means I am getting above myself. 

Overlapping deadlines cause pressure and stress. Taking part in online forums can feel stressful particularly when it feels like people are responding to everyone else’s posts but not yours. The cohort WhatsApp group isn’t always helpful. In the past there’s been a lot of bragging-type posts – ‘look at how intelligent I am’ and I’ve found myself getting a bit wound up by that.  I don’t really find the online meet-ups that the department hosts helpful for much the same reasons.   

I have physical pain from sitting to study. I’ve had to give up sports and other hobbies that I enjoy due to lack of time, so have lost friends socially as well. I can’t enjoy time off, even a few hours, as I feel guilty for not studying. I need a holiday but I’m skint from paying course fees.  

Supervisors are very hard to get hold of. They agree to a meeting a month in advance, so the flow of work stops while waiting to speak with them. There is no opportunity for corridor conversations.  I have had multiple supervisors, each one very different in their approach but as there is no informal contact, it is impossible to learn about the nuances of how each one likes to supervise. 

My current supervisor is bloody awful. Shows zero interest in my work, hasn’t read anything or asked me about the subject, never asks about or challenges my decisions, and they are off-puttingly keen to end supervision meetings within 15 minutes. I speak to them about twice a year and feedback on my work is literally a couple of sentences per chapter. Communication that does take place is often by email, where responses can feel cold, rushed, and solutions offered generally turn the problem back on me to solve for myself without acknowledgement that reaching out was a last resort. This has held my progress back massively as I have no idea if I’m on track or not. I haven’t got the headspace to complain.  

As a doctoral student with existing confidence difficulties, having to navigate disjointed systems at a distance only adds to feelings of isolation and at times despair. I struggle to find things on the website or in the online library and I get very frustrated and waste so much time. We have a system that students are expected to use to book training and to record supervision notes. It’s dire! Everything needs to be recorded in it, but nobody really knows how to use it.  

I need more support, more check-ins by university staff, more empathy, more genuine care! Not window dressing but things we can really feel, see and experience. I feel all alone. I do not feel supported. This is not right! I feel I have been cast adrift by the university.